There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
