Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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