The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
