He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
