I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
