why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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