Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
