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You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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