Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
