once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
