I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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