WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
