I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
