He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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