I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
