Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize