Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
