Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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