Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize