Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
