He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
