Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
