moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
