with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
