i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The cops high fived after they tackled you
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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