im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We are two peas in an std pod
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize