Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
