There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
