you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
