i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
