Umm I'm too high to move.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He passed out mid-signature
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize