I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
