His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
