Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
