The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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