So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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