Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just high enough for therapy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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