Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
