kristin has been a bad kristin
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
