Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
