never play flip cup with pint glasses
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
there is glitter all over my balls
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
