hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
