Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
