k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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