I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
