is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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