When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i believe in u and ur pee
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
