and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
