I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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