well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
