she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
