How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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