Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
