You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This house was built for laser tag.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
