it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
