i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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