The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
