just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
