I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
