I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
