he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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