Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
