It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
