I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
