that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
