people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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