I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
is that a dick in a sweater?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
